2nd trimester

Hard to believe I'm in my 3rd trimester already. Who am I kidding, it seems like July won't be here for decades. I'm feeling fine and have felt fine the whole time (minus my small bleeding episode at the beginning). Baby is growing just fine and sex is still to be determined. Once again I did not want to find out. This baby is very active and my doctor has yet to get a heart rate because of the movement. The only issue I'm having is varicose veins. They are so gross. I look worse than an 87 year old woman's legs. I bought myself some super sexy thigh high compression socks but only got a chance to wear them once so I'm not sure if they help at all. My weight gain has been fine. I am finally getting out of that "is she pregnant or did she gain 10 pounds phase." I feel like nobody actually cares about this pregnancy and I hope that doesn't mean that no one will care about this baby. My dad and coworkers are the only ones who have asked how I'm feeling and how baby is doing. My sister talks about how much she hates babies (we actually used to talk about this together until about a month ago) and my mom hasn't asked me anything at all. My husband is a whole different story but I'll just say, he didn't even go to the ultrasound appointment with me. Anyway, I'm happy that I'm feeling good and that things seem to be going fine and pray they continue to go that way for the next 11-13 weeks.

I want to travel the world

I'm going to take a moment to reflect on my career (or lack of one) and try to focus on finding my calling again. Some may think I am unmotivated and they are absolutely right. I am still having a hard time finding a passion in life but once I find it I think I will have the drive and motivation to accomplish it. I am trying to find my true north but my internal compass takes me every which direction. This makes me think my true calling is to travel every which way of the world. I have no problem packing up and moving on and wouldn't feel bad about having my kids drop out of school to travel the world. The problem is- my husband. He seems to be pretty grounded. He thinks, what's the point of working at the same job for 15 years if your just gonna pack up and start over somewhere else. I disagree. I think living should include change on every level. Maybe I am biased because I never had a job for 15 years. My longest is at Ingalls which is almost 5 years. Technically 2 because I quit and came back so they started me from scratch but total is 5 years. Another problem is that traveling the world is not actually employment unless I can find someone else's dime to travel on.

my 1st trimester

I am finally admitting that yes I am pregnant! It was somewhat planned. We talked about it for a day. I took out my own IUD, which I would not recommend unless you desperately do not have the money to pay the copay. I regretted it because after thinking about another baby, I realized I didn't want another. See my post No Baby. My girls are so easy to manage now. I wanted the IUD put back in But it was too late I was already pregnant within 2 days. I took at least 8 pregnancy tests at home and work before I even missed a cycle. I still didn't believe and constantly checked to see if my period was starting. At 6 and 8 weeks I did start bleeding. The baby was fine but I had what they called a subchorioic hemotoma (fancy word for a blood clot) in my uterus. Which I believe is from the improper iud removal. I thought for sure I was going to miscarry so continued to be unexcited. I was on slight bed/pelvic rest for a month and the clot resolved on its own. I am now 14 weeks and starting to finally be happy! This is the 2nd trimester so I feel less "at risk".  I am feeling great! Baby is Due in July and we will find out the sex then!! I'll keep you updated :)

I suck at being the easter bunny...

suck at all the make believe that comes with parenting. I don't like the Easter bunny, Santa, tooth fairy or anything that requires me to wake up in the middle of the night or stay up later.
My daughter lost her first tooth and I had no cash. I had to borrow from her piggy bank to give to her. How sad. The tooth fairy also forgot to take the tooth because she's a light sleeper. There has to be a better system for this. I actually have no idea what the going rate for a tooth is these days but couldn't imagine giving more than $1.
The Easter bunny wasn't a big hit this year either. We were on vacation, isn't that the best Easter present ever?! I brought a few plastic eggs in my suitcase, filled them with pennies and hid them around the room when I woke to vomit from drinking too much at pool all day. The kids weren't thrilled; I guess they saw the eggs in my suitcase. Umm... change of subject. Hurry up kids, grab your eggs or we're going to miss our flight.
Christmas is a whole another thing. When they were babies to age 2, I would wrap up boxes of diapers and other necessities. Who cares at least it's something to open. Now they're older and wiser and notice Santa has the same wrapping paper as us. Last year Ava got an iPod. Don't judge me cause my 5 year old got an iPod. That was pretty much it. She got a few stocking stuffers and her other gifts were iPod accessories. Why did Kayla get more? Kayla got paper and markers that were "borrowed" from my office and wrapped individually. It only looked likes more. Learn the value of a dollar, kid.
With that being said, I don't think we will participate in "The Elf on the Shelf" again. My sister got us one and it seemed like a cute thing. Her kids loved and adored it. Mine did too but unless someone mentions it this year, they probably won't care. Either way, I don't think I'll be doing it because it's too much work. You have to move it every night and I'm just too tired for that.

my life lately

I didn't get a chance to write much this summer, mainly because I was too busy doing nothing but I wanted to let you know everything is going smoothly.
Ava started Kindergarten (tear) I can't believe she's that big already. So far things are going great with school and I am happy with the public school system. I am thankful for the teachers and happy they are not on strike like some other schools. Her teacher seems really nice. I mainly communicate with her through notes stating which random stranger is picking up my child because I do not have a set work schedule or steady babysitter.
Another thing we've been busy with is cheer leading. Ava's enjoyed it from the beginning, however, I absolutely hated until recently. Maybe it's because I never made the team as a kid. (Truthfully, Ava probably wouldn't make the team either if there were tryouts at this age.) Or maybe I hated it because they were making my 5 year old do laps and wall sits for scratching her leg, being off a beat, not smiling enough and any other nonsense. Or, maybe it's because practice is 4 days a week for 2 hours and games are sometimes Saturday and Sunday, which equals 6 days of cheer. Are they out of their minds? I'd like to have life too. Then I realized my kids are my life and I'm over it and learned to enjoy cheer and all spirit that comes along with it. "L-I-O-N-S The best!!"
Then there's Kayla... She is in preschool 5 days a week, half days. Same school as last year, which I absolutely love. Since cheer is so damn time consuming that leaves no room for extra circulars for her. She's 4, so really it's not necessary anyway. Oh yes it is, because if you don't start her early she'll suck and have to do laps and wall sits. I found a gymnastics class 1 hour a week for her at the rec center. She loves it. I wish it was longer and more days.
Here's what's new with me... an extra 10 pounds, a gym membership that I never use, and a super clean house until 11:30 when Kayla gets off school. Kayla has definitely been great those few hours. She is so good at entertaining herself and such a joy to be around. Of course, that's not all the time. The other times she is a completely overtired psycho.
Overall, I love my life

that 10 pounds...is now 15.

So as I sit here... actually I'm not sitting , I'm on the treadmill writing this! yay me! But unfortunately I am drinking my McDonald's coffee with vanilla, 2 creams and 2 sugars while doing so.  I realized I have become a completely processed and unhealthy mess. I don't know where and when I lost all sense of motivation in my life and became a lazy fatass but here I am. The good part is, I realize I need a change and one I can stick with. I've been down this road so many times before, you know, the one where I throw out all junk and processed everything and buy ridiculously overpriced organics and health food only to realize I can't do this because someone at work brought cookies and I have to have one or I'll die or my husband has candy and it looks so good and one sip of his Coke isn't gonna hurt, right? Why can't I have self control? Oh, that's right, because it was summer and summer is fun, why would I have control when I can have beer, cake and BBQ everything? I manged to get by without showing the noticeable extra 10 pound gain by wearing sundresses and workout clothes but unfortunately the weather is changing and I might need pants with buttons soon...jeans! Truth is; my jeans do not fit and I would like to blame it on that one time my husband did the laundry, obviously he shrunk them, or maybe it's my age; maybe they were right, you get fat as you age unless you keep up with your diet and exorcises. Anyways, I don't know where I'm going with this besides to tell you my fatass need to lose 10-20 pounds.
 

A quick look before it becomes trash.

My kids enjoy drawing, coloring and pretty much every other art and craft stuff. Kayla especially loves this; in fact she even got office paper and supplies wrapped up for her Christmas present. I usually limit them to drawing and coloring with crayons. They are banned from markers, glue and scissors unless under supervision and I don’t have time to supervise my kids. They sit at the table or anywhere and draw all day. I can’t even remember the last time they played with toys.

Here are a few samples:

Kayla couldn’t figure out how to draw a happy person for the longest, and then one day she just got it and completely changed the whole look of her people.

It’s weird how much they’ve changed in just one day. Both are of her and Ava. I like the sad people. They make me laugh. The others are nice too.

She's actually not bad for being 4.

Ava draws a lot of scenery and mostly just writes letters and menus.

This was an old picture but I kept it for some reason.

Ava’s people look like Edward Scissorhands on wheels. She doesn’t draw them anymore because I always say “I really like their roller skates.” And they are clearly not skates.

I wish I could find a better one.

I just wanted to document a few of their drawings because I usually throw them all away when they’re not looking. Sometimes they find their pictures in the recycle and cry. It makes me feel like the worst mom ever but I don’t like paper clutter.