Sunday, February 9, 2014
So- vegan- about a month and I would say I'm doing great! I cannot say I'm vegan yet. First mess up, Dunkin donuts. I could've sworn they had non dairy cream/milk but no. I can't have coffee without cream so I got it anyway. Next, at a party I had dinner without any animal products but I had a cookie, it was oatmeal but I'm sure it was made with something non vegan. Next mess up, another party, I had a cookie and a brownie. Next, my friend left a cheesecake at my house. I didn't touch it the first day but the second night it was sitting in my fridge and I felt bad for it. I knew no one in my house would eat it and I hate that we waste so much food so I ate it. It was a taramisu cheesecake and it was delightful. I thought right then and there I would eat the whole damn cake. I might as well forget it, give me cheese, give me milk, give me steak, F it, give me the whole cow, actually give me the whole damn farm! Surprisingly, I threw the rest out and have only had one mistake since, trying a bite of the Alfredo I made for my family. My downfall has been sweets, but fortunately someone told me Oreos are vegan. Unfortunately, I shouldn't've eaten the whole bag. I have also been addicted to brownies in a cup. These have been a wondeful go to. I feel like I no longer want to eat meat. I still continue to cook it for my family but have no desire to try it. It's so dead and gross. I'm ok without cheese now too. Once I clean up my diet, it should be even easier. I have an app "is it vegan" that scans food barcodes and let's you if it's vegan or vegetarian. I find it helpful. I I'm trying the best I can and that's all that matters. In the past month I've probably saved a few animals and by doing so I have also felt better. Next up- lose 15 lbs.
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
The past year Ava's optical pressure was pretty high ranging from 21-35. 35 is very high and borderline glaucoma. Our lovely Dr. Yoon said that structurally everything looks great and optic nerve was perfect but since the pressure was high we were going to be seen every 3-4 months as a precautionary. Since the reading of 35, it gradually started to taper off and was a consistent 21-22 range and we decided that was her norm.
Here she is happily waiting to be seen. She was happy to have aunt Arlene, Kayla, baby Cierra and me all with her.
They test her vision by covering her eye with a patch. They normally use a spoon like eye cover but if you've been coming since you were a baby you know how to cheat. She looks at small tv screen and is asked to read the letters. She gets the first one right and we are all thrilled! After that she guesses and gets everyone wrong. I don't even think she can actually see the letters at all. Then they test her good eye and she amazed me by getting even the smallest line of letters right. Next they test her close up and we realize the sad truth we've know all along. She's at best 20/400 or maybe it was 20/800. She cannot even see the letters that are right in front of face.
I feel sad and want to cry but then I see her smiling and realize she doesn't care at all and probably doesn't know that there's anything wrong with her at all. I wonder if it's all my fault and if she would've had a better outcome if I tried harder when she wore contacts as a baby and if I didn't get the iol. I wonder if I didn't patch enough. I wonder if she would've wore glasses more. I wonder if I didn't drink the first month of her pregancy because I didn't know I was pregant. I wonder if I didn't worry about the hemangioma on her lip so much that I would've caught this sooner and got it taken care of immediately that her visual outcome would've been better. I very rarely wonder these things as I truly think my daughter is perfect in every way possible but when I do I become sad. Then I look at her smiling face, snap out of it and get on with my day. On this particular day we went to the Disney store, Rosebud for lunch and American girl doll store. We try to take advantage of cheap parking downtown. See you in June dr Yoon! We're back to going every 6 months. Where I pray things will be exactly the same as realize no change is really good and better vision via patching is a thing of the past!
Monday, January 20, 2014
I will share with you what I've eaten on the vegan adventure of mine.
Tofu scramble- it was good! Note the empty bowl. I used tofu, mushrooms, peppers, onion, daiya cheddar and some seasoning.
Fake bacon (which is a bit strange at first) pita. Used, bacon, hummus, tomatoes, lettuce and daiya cheese. Really good.
Veggie wrap. Good.
Bean salad. Good.
Saw a recipe for carmalized onion and hummus grilled sandwich that looked good. Started carmalizing the onions and had to go to the bathroom really badly, forgot to lower the pan and came back to semi burnt onions. Added mushrooms and just ate it plain. Really can't go wrong with grilled mushrooms and onions.
As usual I've been eating my salads.
I have fruits and veggies to snack on during the day. This is where my problem begins. I do not find fruits to be a dessert or sweet enough for my cravings. I need chocolate. Try the chick pea cookie dough again that I mentioned earlier was a joke and decided vanilla almond milk was my best option.