Wednesday, April 17, 2013

2nd trimester

Hard to believe I'm in my 3rd trimester already. Who am I kidding, it seems like July won't be here for decades. I'm feeling fine and have felt fine the whole time (minus my small bleeding episode at the beginning). Baby is growing just fine and sex is still to be determined. Once again I did not want to find out. This baby is very active and my doctor has yet to get a heart rate because of the movement. The only issue I'm having is varicose veins. They are so gross. I look worse than an 87 year old woman's legs. I bought myself some super sexy thigh high compression socks but only got a chance to wear them once so I'm not sure if they help at all. My weight gain has been fine. I am finally getting out of that "is she pregnant or did she gain 10 pounds phase." I feel like nobody actually cares about this pregnancy and I hope that doesn't mean that no one will care about this baby. My dad and coworkers are the only ones who have asked how I'm feeling and how baby is doing. My sister talks about how much she hates babies (we actually used to talk about this together until about a month ago) and my mom hasn't asked me anything at all. My husband is a whole different story but I'll just say, he didn't even go to the ultrasound appointment with me. Anyway, I'm happy that I'm feeling good and that things seem to be going fine and pray they continue to go that way for the next 11-13 weeks.

I want to travel the world

I'm going to take a moment to reflect on my career (or lack of one) and try to focus on finding my calling again. Some may think I am unmotivated and they are absolutely right. I am still having a hard time finding a passion in life but once I find it I think I will have the drive and motivation to accomplish it. I am trying to find my true north but my internal compass takes me every which direction. This makes me think my true calling is to travel every which way of the world. I have no problem packing up and moving on and wouldn't feel bad about having my kids drop out of school to travel the world. The problem is- my husband. He seems to be pretty grounded. He thinks, what's the point of working at the same job for 15 years if your just gonna pack up and start over somewhere else. I disagree. I think living should include change on every level. Maybe I am biased because I never had a job for 15 years. My longest is at Ingalls which is almost 5 years. Technically 2 because I quit and came back so they started me from scratch but total is 5 years. Another problem is that traveling the world is not actually employment unless I can find someone else's dime to travel on.