Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Ava's vision now

The past year Ava's optical pressure was pretty high ranging from 21-35. 35 is very high and borderline glaucoma. Our lovely Dr. Yoon said that structurally everything looks great and optic nerve was perfect but since the pressure was high we were going to be seen every 3-4 months as a precautionary. Since the reading of 35, it gradually started to taper off and was a consistent 21-22 range and we decided that was her norm.
Here she is happily waiting to be seen. She was happy to have aunt Arlene, Kayla, baby Cierra and me all with her. 
They test her vision by covering her eye with a patch. They normally use a spoon like eye cover but if you've been coming since you were a baby you know how to cheat. She looks at small tv screen and is asked to read the letters. She gets the first one right and we are all thrilled! After that she guesses and gets everyone wrong. I don't even think she can actually see the letters at all. Then they test her good eye and she amazed me by getting even the smallest line of letters right. Next they test her close up and we realize the sad truth we've know all along. She's at best 20/400 or maybe it was 20/800. She cannot even see the letters that are right in front of face. 
I feel sad and want to cry but then I see her smiling and realize she doesn't care at all and probably doesn't know that there's anything wrong with her at all. I wonder if it's all my fault and if she would've had a better outcome if I tried harder when she wore contacts as a baby and if I didn't get the iol. I wonder if I didn't patch enough. I wonder if she would've wore glasses more. I wonder if I didn't drink the first month of her pregancy because I didn't know I was pregant. I wonder if I didn't worry about the hemangioma on her lip so much that I would've caught this sooner and got it taken care of immediately that her visual outcome would've been better. I very rarely wonder these things as I truly think my daughter is perfect in every way possible but when I do I become sad. Then I look at her smiling face, snap out of it and get on with my day. On this particular day we went to the Disney store, Rosebud for lunch and American girl doll store. We try to take advantage of cheap parking downtown. See you in June dr Yoon! We're back to going every 6 months. Where I pray things will be exactly the same as realize no change is really good and better vision via patching is a thing of the past!

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