Mental Breakdown 36 weeks

The last few weeks of my pregnancy were an emotional nightmare for me. I completely lost my mind. The anticipation of this baby was killing me and I wanted to kill everyone around me for no apparent reason. I was having panic attacks and feared that something would be extremely wrong with my baby. I spent way too much time online looking up everything. I was sure my baby had everything from cerebral palsy to trisomy. I thought of and researched every possible negative outcome of the baby’s health. I prayed that if there was anything wrong it was cataracts because I was familiar with that. I had a growth scan around 36 weeks, where the tech made me nervous as hell by saying the baby looks a little small. When I asked “how small, like a few weeks?” She said yes with a look of concern on her face. She even made a comment that if the baby does not grow the doctor sometimes induces early because they have a better chance of growing outside the womb. She continues to tell me the baby’s legs looked especially short. Surely, I went home and googled the crap out of everything again. I went to my dr’s office crying but he showed me the report and said everything looked perfectly fine (as it did all along) and that the tech had no business saying anything at all to me because it was not her job and she was not trained to read the report. I still worried about my tiny baby and bought some whey protein and started making protein shakes to bulk up. As if I need the bulking, considering I had gained a good 30 pounds. Physically, I felt great and according to people, I looked great and not that far along. I was still doing everything I did before I was pregnant and possibly more. I never had swelling, complained about the heat or anything really (but I’m sure my husband will tell you differently.) Overall, it was good pregnancy, beside my early bleeding, varicose veins and temporary mental insanity but I was ready to meet my baby. In fact, my Dr said he would induce me on Sunday 7/15 at 9pm. My due date was 7/18. Of course I went home and researched induction, as I had 2 uncomplicated natural births and suddenly felt really nervous. I read that cervidol was made from pig semen and that made me not want to get induced. I did just about all the natural remedies to self-induce starting around 38 weeks. I bounced on an exercise ball several times a day while playing candy crush, took red raspberry leaf tea, took evening prim rose oil (orally and vaginally) walked every day, did squats in the pool and a few on land (but that made me feel like my vagina and organs were falling out) pressed on acupressure points and had a pedicure. I also tried castor oil but only tried one half a teaspoon full because I was a little leery of that for some reason. I did go into to labor the night I got my pedicure. I told her to hit all the acupressure points. I’m not sure if this was it was a coincidence or not. It was Thursday 7/11/13…