Mom of 3

My life as a mom of 3 girls has been great! 

(This pic is at the dentist office but it's the most recent of all 3)

When Baby Cierra Rose was first born I was so sick of the "boy" comments but I love having 3 girls and I actually want more (sometimes) Really, I want to adopt a 3 year old Russian boy, I think he'd fit in perfect) I don't know how people have 5 or more kids. I'd die- or at least take a lot of drugs to make me just float through life. Just kidding. Actually, This was a nice age gap. I am truly enjoying the baby and the baby really enjoys life. She smiles at everyone and has really makes people very happy. The girls have been excellent with her. I thought I'd have a huge problem with Kayla hating the baby but she truly loves her. Both are such a help. Ava is an amazing child to begin with. She thinks she's the mom and sometimes we put to much pressure on her. I try not to make them take care of the baby or give them too much responsibility with her just so I can be lazy. Actually, I'm a different parent with this 3rd baby. The stuff we've done with her I wouldn't have dreamed of doing with my first born. Overall, I love being a mom to 3 daughters. I guess I have no choice since they're mine and they're not going anywhere. Sometimes I do get annoyed though and think "who are these kids and why are they calling me mom." Sometimes, They come all the way upstairs, downstairs, in the bathroom to find me and ask me questions and ask for help with the silliest stuff when their dad was sitting right next to them. Sometimes, the baby cries and I don't want to deal with her. Sometimes I try to hide in the bathroom to just for a minute of silence. Then I realize  I don't mind anymore and I tell myself they are only little once and I enjoy life for the moment.  Ps- everything I write has no point. I get sidetracked easily.

Ava's vision now

The past year Ava's optical pressure was pretty high ranging from 21-35. 35 is very high and borderline glaucoma. Our lovely Dr. Yoon said that structurally everything looks great and optic nerve was perfect but since the pressure was high we were going to be seen every 3-4 months as a precautionary. Since the reading of 35, it gradually started to taper off and was a consistent 21-22 range and we decided that was her norm.

 

Here she is happily waiting to be seen. She was happy to have aunt Arlene, Kayla, baby Cierra and me all with her. 

They test her vision by covering her eye with a patch. They normally use a spoon like eye cover but if you've been coming since you were a baby you know how to cheat. She looks at small tv screen and is asked to read the letters. She gets the first one right and we are all thrilled! After that she guesses and gets everyone wrong. I don't even think she can actually see the letters at all. Then they test her good eye and she amazed me by getting even the smallest line of letters right. Next they test her close up and we realize the sad truth we've know all along. She's at best 20/400 or maybe it was 20/800. She cannot even see the letters that are right in front of face. 

I feel sad and want to cry but then I see her smiling and realize she doesn't care at all and probably doesn't know that there's anything wrong with her at all. I wonder if it's all my fault and if she would've had a better outcome if I tried harder when she wore contacts as a baby and if I didn't get the iol. I wonder if I didn't patch enough. I wonder if she would've wore glasses more. I wonder if I didn't drink the first month of her pregancy because I didn't know I was pregant. I wonder if I didn't worry about the hemangioma on her lip so much that I would've caught this sooner and got it taken care of immediately that her visual outcome would've been better. I very rarely wonder these things as I truly think my daughter is perfect in every way possible but when I do I become sad. Then I look at her smiling face, snap out of it and get on with my day. On this particular day we went to the Disney store, Rosebud for lunch and American girl doll store. We try to take advantage of cheap parking downtown. See you in June dr Yoon! We're back to going every 6 months. Where I pray things will be exactly the same as realize no change is really good and better vision via patching is a thing of the past!

Vegan day

I will share with you what I've eaten on the vegan adventure of mine.

Tofu scramble- it was good! Note the empty bowl. I used tofu, mushrooms, peppers, onion, daiya cheddar and some seasoning.

 

Fake bacon  (which is a bit strange at first)  pita. Used, bacon, hummus, tomatoes, lettuce and daiya cheese. Really good. 

Veggie wrap. Good. 

 

Bean salad. Good.

 

Saw a recipe for carmalized onion and hummus grilled sandwich that looked good. Started carmalizing the onions and had to go to the bathroom really badly, forgot to lower the pan and came back to semi burnt onions. Added mushrooms and just ate it plain. Really can't go wrong with grilled mushrooms and onions.

As usual I've been eating my salads. 

I have fruits and veggies to snack on during the day. This is where my problem begins. I do not find fruits to be a dessert or sweet enough for my cravings. I need chocolate. Try the chick pea cookie dough again that I mentioned earlier was a joke and decided vanilla almond milk was my best option. 

New Year = Vegan

New Year new me. I’m not trying to change me cause let face it, I’m awesome, and I don’t need to be changed. Just kidding. One of the things I’m changing is my diet. I’ve never been really over weight, I never look great either. Once, I looked pretty good when I went to the gym regularly. Now days, I’m a bit saggy so I will start my treadmilling and yoga again and maybe a 30 day shred once a month. A few times a year I clean up my diet because I read up or watch a show on food and let’s face it- it’s basically gross. The first changing movie was “Forks over Knives." My dad made me watch it after he had a major heart attack in 2010. but I fell off the bandwagon at a party. This time I’m trying vegan. Last time I tried the vegan lifestyle I was not too successful. I think I tried to make my husband and kids do it too and therefore it ruined me. My husband will never be vegetarian, vegan or anything that doesn’t involve meat and processed. My daughter will not either based on the fact that we were walking in the store and she said “I know what hotdogs are made of.” Me: What? Ava: “Dogs tails” Me: “who told you that?” Her: “no one. I just know, I can tell cause they look like tails and their called hot dogs.” Me: “well then I guess we should never eat them again.” Ava: “No, I don’t care if that’s what they really are, I’m still gonna eat them cause their good.” In her defense, she’s gotten bit by 2 dogs so she really doesn’t care for them. Back to me. This time I am 3 days of doing well. I realized if I slip up and have some animal product, it’s not the end of the world and I continue trying. This vegan diet is more of a lifestyle then an actual diet anyway. It’s also a bit of a process. What makes it harder for me is that I am not an animal lover. I will never own one. I had horses and dogs growing up and loved them but as for now, I am not an animal person. I’m not in it to save the animals but more or less to save myself from what’s in the animals and what’s it’s doing to humans and our health. Do I really want to eat a pig’s butt? No, that’s gross. I don’t want to eat anyones butt. Chickens = straight nasty and the thought of eggs and where they’re from disgust me. Eggs are actually my downfall though for baked goods and I love a good omelette. Cow’s milk makes me sad, I feel bad for them. So, I guess I do care for animals a bit but they really taste so damn good. I am a big veggie and salad eater to begin with and can do without meat for the most part. I find it hard to cook my husband food and not taste it to see if it’s good or done so this is a problem. I am doing ok without cheese but if someone makes lasagna I’ll probably have a piece. Desserts are another downfall. I made vegan banana bread and it was decent. Cookie dough balls made of chick peas were not a hit and it would never be a party favorite like all the reviewers said. I think I’ll try chocolate chip cookies next and lemon drop cookies. I got a book of 100 best vegan baked goods and they all seem delicious. I’ve stocked up my fridge and so far so good. I have a feeling it’s going to be hard at a party or restaurant but I’ll survive and if I have a screw up I can just start again the next meal. Any ideas, tips, suggestions about veganism would be great. Thanks!

My truth about breast feeding

I always thought I’d be one of those moms that breastfed my kids til they were 18 and going off to college. I also dreamed of pumping and donating a million ounces to babies in need. I tried so hard with all 3 girls and each baby actually got easier but it was never what I imagined. Before my milk even came in my nipples hurt like hell and looked like raw chewed up ground beef. Nothing like the women in the breastfeeding pamphlets/videos with perfect Hershey kiss nipples. This continued for about 2-3 weeks except they were now even more raw and cracked and pretty much chewed all the way through from a baby that has no teeth. Yes, I tried lanolin, calendula, breast milk, cold packs, warm packs, vinegar, Neosporin, and any other thing I read was supposed to help. With Ava, it was the worst, my nipples bled and the poor baby was spitting up blood. She started as an aggressive eater and still is. Then she developed thrush. I quit very early with her. When my milk came in with all 3, I would wake up feeling like I was drowning in my own milk because they leaked so badly. I tried a pump but that made it worse to the point that I seriously felt like I was going to bust and it hurt like hell. With Kayla, it was the worst, I developed mastitis. Not only was this natural way of feeding extremely painful, it was time consuming. Really, you’re going to take 60 mins to eat, it doesn’t even take me that long for a 7 course meal (ok fine, I’ve never had a 7 course meal) then sleep for 45 then want to eat again. Then right when I’m finally getting the hang of it and actually nursing in public like I’ve always dreamed instead of having to take off my whole shirt like I did at first- I have nothing. I go from drowning to dried up. I had a few days of leaving the baby with the sitter for full days and barely getting a chance to pump and it ruined me. I tried the oatmeal, fenugreek, mother’s milk tea and any other thing all these breast is best people preach to me and still nothing. Never got engoreged, nothing. Plus, the baby wasn’t gaining and was only 11.11 lbs. at 5 month. I gave up. I feel ok about it for the most part but still sometimes feel a bit of guilt. I wonder what mothers did in the past, without pumps or even formula- probably jumped off a bridge!! A friend made that comment to me and it’s so true.